Today I am noticing myself just wanting someone to do it for me. Do what? Everything.
I just don’t want to face myself. I don’t want to do the harder thing. I want to stay in my comfortable patterns. It’s amazing the hours of the day that I am capable of wasting away. Spacing out on Facebook or Instagram. I am living in the fantasy of what my life could be like, and ironically it is this very thing that is preventing me from getting closer to what I actually want. In many ways the internet has changed my life for the better, but in other ways it has been such a distraction that actually prevents me from living my life.
I imagine this is the way that many others use TV. As a teenager I had tons of bumper stickers covering my first car, a baby blue 1990 something Corsica. One of them advised, “Kill Your TV!” I was wholeheartedly behind this suggestion! I have never really been too much in to TV or even movies for that matter. I think the internet appeals to me more because it indulges my restless spirit with a lot of different and new things to look at without having to interact with people. TV always bored me, watching the same show for an hour?! Commercials?! I just couldn’t deal. I still can’t.
With all of that said, I wonder if the internet is actually more detrimental than TV could ever be. A lot of the time on my computer I am reading articles. The more I read, the more confused I am. There are some blogs/articles out there that I automatically disregard, but others have me scratching my head. You can literally google anything and there will be many articles or blogs about it. Especially when it comes to Chinese medicine, there is so much conflicting information from mistranslation, misinterpretation and just simple difference of opinion.
So today I just feel like I want someone else to make me stop clicking on Facebook, to focus my mind on the task at hand, to show me a clear path to take. I want someone to help me feel calm in this state of uncertainty. But all of this is up to me. I am responsible for my thoughts, actions and the type of person that I present to the world. Even writing this down, sharing it with you is helping me to take ownership of this responsibility. It’s easy to blame others or the environment we’re surrounded with for preventing us from moving forward. This task, ultimately, is up to us. Throughout this blog post, I have only clicked over to Facebook twice. All it takes is just a little awareness. Or a lot of consistent awareness over a long period of time.